Dear Santa, a Cylon Letter


Dear Santa,

Normally, we Cylons don’t believe in polytheistic entities such as yourself, but I’m making an exception this time. Here’s the deal: Ever since I was first programmed, I’ve always known that we “have a plan.” It’s hardwired in us that everything we’ve done, from destroying most of the human race in a nuclear apocalypse to chasing a ragtag band of survivors through space, is part of the plan. But recent events have badly shaken my faith in this so-called plan. To wit, we spent years following the Battlestar Galactica through space, and then it turned out that some of those humans were actually Cylons in disguise! And they held important command positions on the Galactica! What the hell kind of plan is that? How about instead of having us run around on some wild goose chase, we use our Cylon sleeper cells to reveal the humans’ location so we can blow them out of space?

So, Santa, here’s what I want for Christmas: Tell me the plan. I bet I can make some serious, time-saving improvements.

Number 6

Originally published in San Diego CityBeat, image also from CityBeat


3 Responses to Dear Santa, a Cylon Letter

  1. Karen James says:

    Be careful what you ask for…

  2. Greg says:

    Hey! How about a spoiler alert?

  3. J.P. says:

    These stories you write about this Santa give me the feeling to want to dismember this phenomenon with the red cap.

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