Terrible fraud perpetuated on The View

The ladies of View, freeing their minds from backbone prejudice, have added a new panel member.

The 900-pound cephalopod from the family Architeuthidae joins cohosts Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and Sherri Shepherd. Like many past hosts, who have come from such diverse backgrounds as law, stand-up comedy, and local news, the squid was a virtual unknown before joining the cast. Plucking it from relative obscurity, producers discovered the squid 26,000 feet below sea level in the Mariana Trench and said to themselves, “This is the perspective the show has been lacking.”

Unfortunately, The View has been fooled by a scoundrel! Their “giant squid” appears to be nothing more than a Loligo market squid with a bad case of hubris. This upstart calamari is no more from the Marianas Trench (26,000 feet or 8,000 meters) than I am! Even if this imposter was a real giant squid, she’d be from the 600 meter suburbs, nowhere near those dangerous trench neighborhoods. I hope that Barbara Walters fires this shocking fraud as soon as possible, preferable with a squeeze of lemon and some aioli.

Thanks, Anna!

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