Win free oysters, naughty underthings not included

Another contest! This time, it’s for molluscan delights. Marx Foods (in Seattle, WA) is giving away four dozen free oysters to the person who best describes what they would do with them. I know nothing about Marx Foods’ sustainability practices, but 95% of oysters are farmed, and oysters are considered a “Best Choice” by the Monterey Bay Aquarium’s Seafood Watch program. The contest is open until October 19th and you can vote for the winners from Oct 21-24th. Here’s my entry:

Miriam and the Bawdy Bivalves: A Short Radio Play

(knock knock)
Tiny oyster voices: “Ma’am, we’re here to see about the plankton bloom.”
Miriam: “But you’re not the regular plankton cleaner! You’re much…juicier.”
Tiny oyster voices: “Yes, ma’am. But we’re not wearing any pants.”
Miriam: “Here at the Castle Wolffenstein, we have but one punishment for lewd lamellibranchs! Let me help you slip out of that hard, heavy shell into something a little more comfortable.”
(shadow of shucking knife on the wall)
EEE-EEE-EEE-EEE (Theme from “Psycho”)
Tiny oyster voices: AIEEEEEEE-ack!
Obi-Wan: I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if four dozen voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
(slurping sounds, followed by sizzling sounds, followed by dipping-in-garlic-butter-and-eating sounds)
(the rest is silence. happy, contented silence.)

Thanks to Emily from Marx Foods for letting me know about the contest!


3 Responses to Win free oysters, naughty underthings not included

  1. Gila says:

    Yep, you are a shoe-in for the prize!

  2. J.P. says:

    Actually have had (in a former life) a mussel related food poisoning for a few times, are not my best moments to remember.
    While on port control I have seen all the things we humans do to fish and shellfish, since then I only do eat what I personally have seen from the out- and inside.

    Bon appetite!

  3. […] short radio play Miriam and the Bawdy Bivalves is a finalist in the Marx Foods Oyster Contest! But upon closer examination of the oysters offered, […]

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