A monkey is not a good solution to empty-nest syndrome. No, not even if your monkey is in $500 clothes.
Many self-described “monkey people” don’t dare call them pets. They are playfully referred to as “monkids” and reared in a world of pierced ears, monogrammed clothes, a seat at the dinner table and their own bedrooms.
Oh, except for when they become violent at sexual maturity.
Little Buddie went everywhere with one couple, including trips to sit on a mall Santa’s lap. When Buddie started biting, though, neither owner felt safe, Bagnall said. A biting attack by the second monkey, Vinny Jr., sent his owner to the hospital.
Some owners go to great lengths to force their critters to behave, Bagnall and animal-rights activists said. Some pull out the animals’ teeth. One monkey arrived at Jungle Friends with a clipped tail — because it got in the way of diapering. Others come in with health problems stemming from too much junk food and not enough sun.
I was going to make this a funny entry – because, hey, “monkids” is hilarious. But then I started to get mad. Just think all the good these disturbed people could have done if they spent all that time and energy on foster children instead of traumatizing a monkey.
There’s abundant evidence that monkeys treated like people end up as poorly socialized, mentally ill monkeys. A book just came out about Nim Chimpsky, the chimp who was raised in a New York brownstone due to a bet with Noam Chomsky. Guess what? The chimp came to a sad end, still not human. Likewise, the chimps used in show business are raised like people, but only have a few years of cuteness before they become too aggressive and are sent away to do they best they can at learning how to be chimps. (Here’s a This American Life segment on a chimpanzee sanctuary for them.) “Monkids” should absolutely be outlawed.