Before I got onto this whole silly “saving the world” ecology bandwagon, I should have considered the many opportunities afforded by Evil Graduate School. Think of the possibilities for Evil Marine Biology! Undersea lairs (perhaps next to a scenic yet hellish hydrothermal vent), exciting submarine chases, half-man half-tubeworm minions, and mind-controlled sharks! (er, unless DARPA gets there first.)
Fortunately, those considering a lucrative career in the Evil Sciences can learn how to start their evil schooling on the right foot (or peg-leg, or clawed appendage) with “Ten Simple Rules for Graduate Students in the Evil Sciences.” A selection to whet your evil appetite:
Rule 2: Select the right evil mentor, project, and laboratory
Finding the right evil mentor can be difficult, as they may be in hiding or incarcerated. Furthermore, nearly all evil scientists are selfish and untrustworthy, which tends to undermine the mentoring process. Ask around to see if the one you wish to work with will foster the positive learning environment you need to promote evil. Talk to henchmen, thugs, security forces, submarine crews, and even former damsels in distress.
Rule 6: Always reevaluate your work for its evilness
This may seem simple, but what is considered evil can change over time. A horrifying Brave New World can become an enticing brave new biotech investment option on the Nasdaq. Make sure what you’re doing inspires horror, not IPOs.
Then again, I suppose it’s never too late to take over the world with my armies of toxic sea squirts. Unless I already am…….MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!